Meaning of life.. Who can give the complete definition for that? If it hits you with all luck and prosperity, can be defined as Beautiful... If it hurts you with hardships, can be defined as Miserable..
When it hugs you with no more hopes and dreams, can be defined as Death ... End of your Destiny...
Happy to hear that my hospital is going to terminate 60 staffs initially and then remaining... I don't know what to call for that. Whether it's beautiful or miserable or death..
I know loosing a job is not an End of Life.. But when it happens amidst all the painful realities, it's gonna to be a Death of all my dreams and hopes...
I have been preparing for an exam since last month.. Actually that is going to decide my destiny in that hospital.. Whenever I open my book, I can't read even a single sentence , for each and every words in the book expelling thousands of questions towards me.. Then My mind would begin to wander around for the answers .. At the end, I can only witness.. myself sitting in front of my book with a stare look and Keeping my head down.....
If I fail in that exam, I am sure I am gonna to loose my job.. If I loose my job, my life will be stagnant.. I won't be able to support my father for his treatment..... My visa process will be ceased forever..
The attitude of my loved ones towards me may alter ..
So, then what is left in my life?????
A body with a wounded heart which is completely masked by desperation...
Is this the way I am gonna to learn the "REALITIES OF LIFE"????
Is this the right way to comprehend the MEANING OF LIFE, LOVE and SELF???
MIGHT BE.. Wonderful.. Really wonderful...
Need a full stop for everything.. So that I don't reach to anyone by any means ....
Lord I am extremely sorry.. I know how much you Love me.. But I have failed in regaining my confidence back.. And My life back..
It's okay... It's not anyone's fault.... MY FATE ....
Who am I then????
A person who believes in Trust, Love and Respect...
A person who expected a drop of respect and love from everyone since childhood until the the day I realized that I was not supposed to reach my loved ones..
A person with lots of Dreams but deeply inculcated with the fact that my dreams never touch the reality...
Hearkening to a music at times nourishes me with certain reminiscences. This song has evoked memories of my childhood as well as the persons who inspired me in every walk of life.
Pappa is traveling to Vellore for his further treatment today. His health condition is exacerbating after each episodes of treatment. Since then, his level of confidence is deteriorating, and I can experience what he's going through now.
My Pappa, one among the persons whom I admired most in my early childhood. Eventually, Life had placed me in a certain circumstances by which my admiration had been converted to a phobic state.
Nevertheless, my life experiences have inculcated me with a new perception towards living that never ever hurts someone's feelings. No matter how I was humiliated and mistreated by the people whom I adore and admire most, I have always been determined to provide them the best in their life by being a responsible daughter, caring sister, understanding wife and a true friend.
When I visited my father last time, he was at the verge of crying whenever he looked at my face. Even if my heart was sinking, I controlled all my emotions for being a confident and strong daughter in front of him. He really wished me to accompany with him through out his hospital stay, but unfortunately I couldn't stay with him even a single night due to my ill health.
He told me once, " I have been experiencing a sort of relief once you took charge of all my treatment decisions. Now I am confident." Then I noticed his eyes were filled with tears. From that day forth he achieved a credence in his recuperation. But now....
Pappa.. I really wish I should be there with you all these times. It's my duty and responsibility to be there but life is not enabling me to have that fortune in my living... Please forgive me... I trust and pray that you will come back to a new life soon..
My father is really suffering from his disease... It is not easy to go through such devastating situations in life... You must have both psychological and financial support to overcome all these experiences. We spent already nearly 10 lakhs for his treatment, still need to continue that to save his life... Each chemotherapy costs 60000 Rs... The scan costs 40000 Rs.. This is not to show our budget... Just to inform you all that people who are suffering from cancer really need psychological as well as financial help.. They are actually not suffering from the adversities of the disease, instead the financial burden associated with the treatment....
Even though my Pappa had a very healthy lifestyle, he ended up with cancer... I know it's a fate ... but if you know that you are responsible for your illness, please have an attempt to lead a healthy life... To avoid the aftermath of any diseases in the long run... Be compassionate with your body and soul.. Stay Healthy...
I may not be worth enough in your life ... I might be a person with full of nonsense... But expressing my heart felt gratitude to those precious people who conveyed their affection towards me through the most beautiful words in this universe "LOVE YOU" ... Stay blessed...
Have a safe journey Pappa..... LOVE YOU PAPPA ..... OUR PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU......
With lots of Love, Hugs and Kisses.... Your beloved daughter ....
(feeling so sleepy...it's midnight now.. winding up for the day... actually all these thoughts are for my upcoming Creation... hoping that I can give my best in my book..)
